Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Addicted to crisps

This morning I woke up and playing on repeat in my mind was an angry rant. Usually I only blog about writing and stuff I'm working on, have done etc, but today I thought I'm going to write this angry blog.

The rant concerned how TV programmes, that in my opinion have little to no value like The X Factor or Jeremy Kyle's show, demonise the poor, or even worse, people with special needs. Making them the target for our scorn, so we can laugh and point at the screen and say "Look at that Chav, ha ha ha, looks like a right druggy, look at her,what a slapper" or "Oh my God he can't sing, he sounds like he's deaf and looks like a mix between Shaggy off Scooby Doo and Arnold Scwarznegger's haemorrhoid's." And we can act like we're all superior and better than them, and think of them as lesser people who need to stop scrounging for benefits. Basically, have the same opinion the government have of these people.

I was going to write that blog, then Roland Moore mentioned on Twitter that he was going to give up crisps for lent. My brain went into a tailspin. A world without crisps? I felt sick. That couldn't be, it wouldn't work. I bloody love crisps. I must eat a pack a day, if not more. I have to make sure I don't buy them from the supermarket because having them in the house is lethal. I could eat a six pack of them during the opening credits of most TV shows. Whenever I'm in a newsagents or any shop that sells crisps it's always the first aisle I go to. I was horrified. I couldn't do without them, no siree. Just thinking about a world without them made me want a packet of crisps right now, any flavour or shape. I'd suck a Skip, crunch a McCoy's, lick a Worcester Sauce French Fries, I just wanted crisps.

Now, I know they're bad for me; covered in salt, lacquered in oil and bursting with fat. But I must consume them. If I had to ring up a costly phone vote line after each bag and rate it, I would. As I eat them I'd laugh as my stomach struggled to digest, as the salt bubbled my heart like a salted slug. "Ha ha ha looks at those internal organs struggling with this unhealthy snack that I'm blindly consuming day after day."

I know crisps are bad for me yet still I eat them. I try and eat less, an ongoing battle which I am probably failing. But at least I know the risks. If you blindly consume, not knowing that it's filling you with hate and distorting your worldview, then  there's a problem.

And if you try and go cold turkey on crisps and you end up writing blogs like this, then there's a problem.

P.S Crisps do not fill you with hate and distort your worldview.

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